TotenVeloren

Posting here before my sub runs out. It's like embracing death. I quite like the new journal submission interface. •u•

EDIT: Thank you so much for the subscription, WTHat. I'll stay here until it runs out. <33

Hello! Wow it's like motherfucking ages since I wrote a journal here. Sorry for the inconsistent postings these days. I think I reached the ultimate stage of being an old person where routines and schedules have beaten my drawing time into a pulp. I spend most of my days doing freelance projects online and offline and being a total retard at any volunteer program I get invited to. I'd never thought I'd see the day when I have a 6 month gap in my DA journals, I mean like.. I used to check this place daily, haha woah mother of god.

I got hit by the work and life truck and haven't recovered since. tumblr and Twitter have taken over my life as well. I hardly draw these days but there are times when inspiration graces my empty head. I've been taking programming and language courses so my brain is kind of dead. I'm still saving up for eye surgery so I can qualify for my private pilot course. oohmygod I hope island life won't destroy my city-dwelling ass. Once I'm done there I'll be moving out of the country, hopefully when I travel I can obtain a job visa that will allow me to root myself in London or Spain. Closest is ORSTRAHLEAAA, land of my radical relatives. Either one is good, the future looks bright and I'm not looking back.

I'll be posting less here but you can always see me on tumblr, it's easier to upload stuff there *coughsimpleimagehostingcough* since I like a lot of things and it's full of inspiring stuff. It's easier for regular posting and writing random stuff that pops up in my head all the time. I'll be making a database/wiki thing for my Chaos comic as well, just have to compile the writings. My mind shut down when I was confronted by 607 topics in my laptop. I'm trying to get better at art and life in general, though art is not my main priority.. programming is awesome, man. Dem goddamn numbers and the wonders of science, dayuuummm.

I'll be posting commissions and art that I owe to others soon. Take care and see you on tumblr or irl. ilu.

EDIT: 7/9/11 (price edits)

Journal list for loose sketches, pencil sketches, traditional or digital art. The files are not hi-res, only wallpaper size at most since it's not a full commission pic.

Same rules as always, I reserve the right to refuse the commission.
I will not draw:
• porn
• fetishes
• graphic yaoi/yuri

NOTE: You can choose between traditional or digital mediums. If the art is done traditionally and you want me to mail it to you, shipping is an additional $5

Styles and Prices:

$10 Chibis (digital and traditional)


$20 Sketches (digital and traditional)
:thumb192927734:

----

I prefer chibis or fullbodies with simple colouring. Post your VISUAL refs and stuff here or note me, no descriptions since I'm not doing character design. This journal will be permanent so I can keep track of things FOREVAR.

Holyshit HI my social skills have gone out the window forever along with my sleep cycle. So many fake smiles and handshakes. I bought so many nice things on my trips, one thing I noticed is the amount of hipstery stuff pretty much everywhere when I went shopping. I also bought a ladybird beanie. It is the single most fucking AWESOME thing I have ever purchased.

I needed a haircut since the beginning of my trip but that's not important anymore. Sometimes I hang out at coffeeshops and other places so long until I forget its time to go home, I feel so free.

Free like this, motherfuckers.


Thailand was cold, and really awesome. I'm going back again in Febuary (hopefully) for the Designer Drugs gig djskfjdslgfjd ohgod their remixes are like woah ok. I can't wait to celebrate New Year and get ready to do more volunteer stuff in 2011, it's time I made myself somewhat useful to the world and try out moar guns in Myanmar. It was really scary to actually hold a real gun let alone shoot it. Trivial matter to those of you who possess firearms, for me it's a big deal ok, let this noob savor the moment.

So um..I have a lot of catching up to do. I might be moving a lot next year but the P.O. box address will always be the same. If I mail anything to you guys, don't be weirded out by the new address, it's my deposit box. I hope you had a nice Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year.

2011 is going to be awesome. My passport will be spammed with shitty stamps and raped by countless immigration officers. Long live Myanmar and the golden triangle.

HELLO.

Gonna break out the champagne because the plane didn't crash in the Golden Triangle.


My friend was talking about this guy that had a deal with him on Thursday since I wasn't around. We'll call the guy Ronery. Rizal is my friend. They had lunch and Ronery said he wanted to order more food so he went out to get more rice, Rizal usually suffers from severe ADHD (like Lotty-sama, another of my good friends but more Swedish) and we always believed he was mentally retarded. Rizal got tired of waiting and took Ronery's cellphone to look at his pic folder because he was bored. He realized that all the text messages on his customer's phone were all the same. They all belonged to Ronery himself. Rizal restrained himself from blacking out because of the fail. He had to email me.

"Guy txts to himself. Totally not shitting you. *X-FILES MUSIC*"

I laughed in the airport because I'm stupid and easily amused. Sorry.

Ronery then sent 7 text messages to me on Friday. I didn't answer them because it was fucking creepy in a sad and deluded way. (FUCK YOU RIZAL FOR GIVING OUT MY NUMBER LOLOLOL). Thank god it was only the number for my public phone.

I checked the other messages. Two of those were addressed to another girl.. wth.

"Hey Aria grl, jom minum nak?" (Translation: Hey Aria, do you want to drink?)
"Weiiii call me, Ari "

I thought maybe he sent 7 messages to the wrong person but I saw my name on the others too. He gmailed me. There was also a huge emo poem which he sent to me, reading it gave me goosebumps because it was so cheesy and corny.

"Wassup. Where are you now? "

"Vietnam."

"Huh. Where?"

I sent him a map of Vietnam.


He replied with
"???? Eh, wanna go for a drink? "

I can't reply because my hands were glued to my face for two hours after reading that. I always run into the funniest folk, my life is a glorious chain of wtf moments and 15% of my life is spent facepalming.

If I ever meet him for a deal, I will accidentally spill hot coffee all over him. Like UGHGDJH DURR OOOOOPPPS I HAVE THE DEXTERITY OF A DYING WHALE TODAY HURRRRRRRRRRRRR SORRY then run away so I can get hit by a car.

Oh and I come from a sullen third world country, no Halloween for us so we went to a club for some drinks. Too many rapists in Malaysia, no trick or treating. I hope you guys celebrated it in some way or something. Eat lots of candy and get cardiac arrest in the name of those that you love. <3

Herro beautiful people. I got my phones back and I am HAPPY ONCE MORE, THE SUN SHINES OUT MY ASS WHEN I WALK. old hag has a story to share.

This was found in my gmail inbox. I know it's tl;dr but I trust you guys to have a good grasp of basic English reading skills.

----

subject: Enough

I guess you can read from the text stated above. We’ve been friends on DeviantArt. We were both in the same fandoms (that’s all I’m giving out, you KNOW ME), seems recently you’ve been involved on the other side of things. I can’t find anything in common with you any more. You ignore me just like the rest. Surely if you have time to post here, then you aren’t that busy.

I’m tired of your work, your jobs, and of course the barrier that has formed between us. I feel useless and worthless yet there is nobody who can comfort me in times like these. All my friends have been doing this to me, I want to lose it and scream. Have you ever felt so hopeless and wretched that you cannot go on any longer? In July I suffered a nervous breakdown and I wanted to kill myself. Everyone leaves when you need support the most, that is why I sent you that e-mail prior to this, but you didn’t even care at all. I sent it to all of my so-called -FRIENDS-. You do not sound cordial or personal at all, just like the others that have fooled me. Yes Toten, no matter how much you stress on it, you are NOT HONEST AT ALL. I can judge that from your journals and twits on Twitter, you never spoke like that when I first knew you. You do not talk like that and you don’t even tell us what kind of job you have. I don’t even know any more. You just, don’t care about anyone. Any more.

When I saw the friends you’ve met, I can honestly say they will bring you down and you will hit ROCK BOTTEM. Partying and socializing is not the cure to everything, posers do that all the time. You are clearly trying to fit in even though you don’t want to. Listen to yourself instead of others sometime, grow a spine. No matter how much you party, reality SLAPS you in the fucking face. Everything with you now is just friends, party, materialism and travel. What happened to the friend I knew? We chatted for hours at home when you were still in college. You had time to draw and make inspiring comics. This morning I woke up with a clear conscience, I gazed upon my sketchbooks and the chats we used to have. You don’t even draw them anymore, why bother. I knew it was time to end this friendship. I can do without a friend with three houses and three faces to go along with them. Enjoy your so-called life, one day when you’ll see what I’ve been trying to say, you will know the truth. If you ever want to salvage the friendship, don’t bother. The deed has been done, the doors are no longer open for people like you. Good luck… and goodbye.

----

The email was sent at 10am++ at their timezone I think? I was having dinner after a meeting. I showed everyone at the table and I can only sum up everyone’s faces in one line:

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Seriously, just picture a bunch of grown women and businessmen leaning back.

The food was kinda slow so I replied:

wow i am literally in tears when i viewed this on my blurberry, i almost drowned everyone. ok so from this i gather that your friendships are based on giftart and online asspats when you feel suicidal. cool story bro, but after getting this job, it’s hard to avoid alcohol and partying so hear me out since i’m not a basement dweller who’s struggling in a college for people seven years her junior with no improvements in the past 6 years and is living with her parents at the age of 25. you can call me corrupted, but i am not immoral otherwise i’d be shoving puppies into my mouth during lunch hours before mutilating everyone in a nursing home, earning $5 for every eyeball. dude there were campaigns in july, fuck all to answering emails omgggg like go run to your mother. seriously

oh i don’t have three houses btw, four actually. i’m looking for a new terrace in town on saturday, i have no landed property located in central areas and it’s near a lot of restaurants. i promise not to grovel at your rly awesome door of forgiveness when i’m high. i wanted to invite you to southern indonesia because you sound like you need it. but since i’m never going to be forgiven i am going to dab at my eyes with tissue now and hope my boss and clientele never remember this. did you ever think that jobs are for the sole reason for earning money and not street cred? daaaaayumm i thought we’re both out of high school by now, man

----

But seriously this is what I get in my inboxes occasionally.  That’s why I appreciate things like these, it’s entertaining when all the newspapers are unavailable during dinner, prime reading material ok. It’s like using twitter whenever I eat breakfast.

On another note, I finally had time to organize my stuff accordingly. Recently I’ve been trying to arrange everything in one room to see how much stuff I actually use. I occupy the smallest area in the house, so it’ll be easy to pack up and move if the situation arises. When I came back from my trip, there were several packages for me and one of them is from the lovely bumble-boo whom I purchased these badges and bookmarks from. She was really helpful and friendly and I appreciate it. Thanks again! I’m definitely ordering again when new items are available.